Fuck it, I’m putting it out there

To let people know, this is a vent and nothing more. I did not name any names in an accusatory way but the two names I mentioned were a statement that I did not query using their names, as I had been wrongfully accused of. It was never an attack. Further, I do have proof about what happened months ago. I just choose not to blast it all over social media. I choose to let people ask me for that proof. You can download everything that happens on FB. Isn’t technology wonderful? Too bad people jump the ship before getting to the docks.


I tried to convince myself to not write this out in public but sometimes you have to take a step forward and come out and speak about what’s happening, even if it seems like drama. For those that know me well, they will know how hard this is for me. They say trust is a two-way street but is it really? What if that two-way street led to a dead end on either side and there were no other roads leading to or out of it?
I’ll start at the very beginning. In 2007 I originally published my first novel via Outskirts Press, paying $399 (Corrected because I am a forgetful person). Back then I didn’t know as much as I do now. That novel was The Warriors: The Beginning. I made a few sales from it but it never really picked up off the ground. Sometime later, I decided to rewrite the novel and gave it a different subtitle. It took me a few years to get the rewrite done but in 2017 I published it through Amazon’s KDP and CreateSpace. Later I ended up publishing it through Smashwords. All of this was done freely.
During this summer, I became involved with a group of authors and together we formed the Sassy Literary Ladies. Our goal and mission were to create a group and earn ourselves a street team in which to promote our books together. It was a great idea and I was proud to be a part of it.
A group was created and we tried to engage the members there, though mostly we posted memes asking people to say something about them. At first, I thought that was kind of cool, but over time as more memes were posted with the “Caption this” I noticed that members were not posting so often or as often as we thought they should have been, even a like or a share would have been sufficient.
Granted I should have been more involved in posting myself. I posted a few times asking members certain questions with open-ended discussions, something I wanted to kick myself for because, in these groups, discussions should always be open-open to allow a conversation to flow continuously. But whenever one of the admins complained about the lack of member activity I’d post something and spoke to a friend of mine, also a previous member, if she could post something or get a little more involved. She did, though she explained on the group she was busy with actual life. But in truth, it was one of the admins there that caused her to not want to post. I didn’t learn this until last night. After everything that’s been happening, I can’t blame her for being hesitant with it. I also can’t blame another person for muting the same admin on Twitter.
During the Sassies private conversations, we discussed many things, from how one person was in constant pain, what their family was doing, the books in general that we had published, and so forth. Every so often, I’d talk about my dog or about other things too, sincerely believing I was a part of this group and that we could share anything together without judgment. How wrong I was.
I shared many things with these authors, including an incident that had happened here involving a civil protection order, which is still ongoing and has been since October I think. I was accused of the following:

    1. Making a fake lawsuit letter from a lawyer because it didn’t come certified mail. The letter was actually a demand letter and according to the magistrate, they don’t always come certified. This information can be found online via Google.
    2. Creating a gofund me raiser for the purpose of getting money for myself. In truth, months ago my mom was attempting to get a loan to buy a house. We were told by the loan officer that we needed roughly $3000 for the down payment, and thinking we’d need an additional $800 for utilities and appliances (rent to own), I had the gofund me raiser set at $3800. It was all for a house. The campaign failed, and she didn’t get a loan for a house, thus the campaign was shut down. We decided to look for a house to rent and did that, but were unsuccessful. The situation changed though when we finally took some advice that led up to the need for the civil protection order going on. Long story short, we removed an individual from the home we are living in (he didn’t pay rent and he kept soiling himself and had us do everything for him) and decided to stay in this house and build up our credit and try for a home loan again in the future.
    3. Sending out a query letter using the names MR Rutter and [[redacted at request]], as well as riding their coattails to gain favor with agents and other popularity. This one honestly astounds me because I have never done such a thing. When asked why someone would use my name to send a query letter because I’m a nobody, I couldn’t even answer that. Shock, disbelief, and frustration were my current hold. However, things like this happen all the time. Complete strangers have been known to take another’s name and use it for whatever purpose. This is called identity theft. When I spoke with [redacted] and talked with her directly, she had assured me that I have never used her for anything. She advised me to drop the people accusing me, that I didn’t need them as friends. In addition, I haven’t queried an agent in a year, though originally I thought it to be two years. Yay for Gmail receipts! I never mentioned anyone’s name in my queries. And I would never do so.

    4. Trying to gain attention and sympathy by lying about what was occurring here at home. I never once lied about anything. It was believed that because they couldn’t find the case online that I must be lying about the whole going to court thing and what was going on here at home. Sometimes the courts don’t always put a civil case online and generally, cases such as civil protection order hearings are held in the judge’s chambers or in a board room setting. This also ties into the whole gofund me raiser. The whole case was started by my mom who requested it be private.
      My understanding is that they thought I said we were being sued for money and that was why we needed $3800. I also thought they believed that I wanted $3800 to publish through a vanity publisher like Outskirts Press, which now charges $5000 to publish. As I’ve published on KDP and Smashwords there is no need to get money. I don’t ask for money to promote myself. When we talked about getting money gathered to promote the Sassies and to offer fun giveaways, my first immediate thought was that someone other than me needs to be in charge of it. Not because I can’t be trusted but because of things like this, bad timing and then some. People get very suspicious. Hell, I’ve seen people constantly asking for money and I get suspicious. Though I wouldn’t flat out accuse them. I’ve learned assumptions are never a good thing. What they don’t know is that I was planning on getting promotional items from the flyers, via VistaPrint using my own hard-earned money. Christmas is coming and because I’m a newspaper carrier, I receive quite a few tips at that time. I have never asked anyone for money for myself that I couldn’t pay back.I was also accused of avoiding issues they brought up because I had gone silent. I tend to go silent a lot when I’m shocked by something or I tend to get busy off the computer. Unlike some people, I’m not attached to my phone and I don’t carry my laptop around with me while I get busy doing things for the animals or my mom. I was called a coward for not responding fast enough. I was also at the same time trying to gather proof to defend myself, something that takes time when there’s a demand for quite a few of it.
    5. Disloyalty. I was accused of being in a person’s group they weren’t fond of. Originally the person was on my friend’s list, but I was never in any of his groups.
    6. Not apologizing to James Perk. Originally back when Gary Kadet was under the Joe Christmas name under the Bob Villain account, one of them told me she was quite certain that James was Gary. I wasn’t too sure because there was no proof, but I listened to her theory. During a conversation with an agent about Gary (Bob), I told the agent what was told to me and by who by tagging that person. She had no problem coming in and talking to the agent about why she believed James and Bob were one and the same. I still didn’t know for sure, but I felt I could be wrong about it and decided to let it play out. Biggest regret ever.

      James had every right to confront us about our claim against him because he was never Gary/Bob/Joe. I was accused by the group of not apologizing to him, and that I laughed off any concerns. I wasn’t laughing about anything because I thought it was funny. I get sheepish a bit when I mess up or do something embarrassing. The odd thing is, I don’t remember laughing at all. Evidence below that I apologized. ApologytoJamesPerk.jpg
    7. Having fake degrees or attending a fake school with fake accreditation. I will say there are a lot of colleges that will take you for a ride, giving you little in return educational value. Some fake colleges have it where if you just send them money they’ll send you transcripts and a degree. The schools I attended put me through hard work and dedication, along with tears of frustration and whoots of joy. The belief was that for my Associate’s Degree from Kent State Trumbull I should have only had two years of attendance. Requirements such as developmental coursework and the hours put in attending. It is the norm for students getting their associate’s degree to take more than two years. If any student completes it within two years only, that is the exception and not the rule.It was also believed that my Master degrees should have taken me 15 months to receive, not 12 months. Online colleges have different rules regarding degree programs because they don’t have to follow the same rules as traditional colleges. Accreditation differs between regional and national colleges. Yes, unfortunately, there are such things as fake accreditation, but one can always dig into the research and learn which schools are fake and which ones are not. Regional accreditation allows credits to transfer to any college whereas national accreditation has limits. It is up to the college to decide whether or not to accept credits from a nationally accredited school. The biggest complaint students have is that their degrees/credits are often not accepted by other schools. This website gives in-depth information about accreditation.

    What angers me about all of this? They ignored me first and blocked me. They never came out and spoke with me about their thoughts until they decided to come out and explode on me. They speak of disloyalty on my part, but what does their behavior speak of them and their own loyalty? Who blocks someone before talking to them about an issue they have?

    In truth, as others have said it to me, how is what I do or don’t do their business? I shared some things with them, getting advice on issues and concerns I have, but never once did I lie about them. I’ve even shown proof, but the proof is never good enough and it would be denied anyway. Honestly, the day this all occurred was a waste of my time. Being in the group was another waste of my time. It went nowhere. We were all too busy either talking about our families or situations rather than working to get the books promoted. And yeah, I’m partly to blame for that, I admit.

    They believed I was being dishonest with them. However, there were instances when I’ve found them to be dishonest. Case in point, one of them stopped showing up on my timeline and her name appeared in all black. She told me she took down her author page. A look into that revealed it to not be true. At the time I wasn’t that concerned, but when I found out I was blocked on Twitter, I wondered if it was just a glitch, since Facebook and Twitter are known to do that at times.

    I’ll be honest. It seemed like they got bored because nothing was going on on Twitter that they could get involved with. Cockygate, the bookstuffers, Bob Villian and so forth were over with. It was like they needed a new target and because I was doing some things they disagreed with, they chose me. Again, they should have just come out first and talked with me. Though when it’s concerning matters, it’s easier for me to talk with someone who can write without long atrocious paragraphs filled with blinding grammar errors and misspelled words. It’s also easier when it’s one on one because too many people can make a conversation go upward and then I have to spend time scrolling when I’m at my computer to find out what I missed.

    I was also blocked by them and by several people they knew. People I had originally conversed with. No one asked for my side of the story.

    The whole thing SHOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED. They should have minded their own business and we should have continued to work on our plans to promote our books. Even when I knew I was blocked I was referring their books to people on Twitter and on my own author page. I’d talk to people about them. But now? Now I’m not so sure I can. I’ve deleted the content off my author page, and I’ve deleted the Sassy Literary website. It’s a shame because I worked hard on that. If I had known this was going to happen I would have never gotten involved. I would have stayed away and kept doing my own thing. It was this reason I have trouble trusting people because as soon as you let your guard down that’s when they strike.

    Do I harbor bad feelings toward them? Other than being angry and hurt, I don’t wish anything bad to happen to them. It wouldn’t be right. I want them to open their eyes and realize how they treat people. I’ve looked back and noticed a pattern going on, and unless they get out of that pattern they’re going to lose readers and they’re going to lose friends. I don’t want that to happen to them.

    They have their good points and their bad points. I just hope that one day they will learn and not do it to someone else.


4 thoughts on “Fuck it, I’m putting it out there

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